The Calf: To the Rev. Mr. James Steven (Poem by Robert Burns)

the Old Poems

The Calf:
To the Rev. Mr. James Steven
By Robert Burns

Right, Sir! your text I’ll prove it true,
    Though Heretics may laugh;
For instance; there’s yoursel’ just now,
    God knows, an unco Calf!

And should some patron be so kind,
    As bless you wi’ a kirk,
I doubt na, Sir, but then we’ll find,
    Ye’re still as great a Stirk.

But, if the lover’s raptur’d hour
    Shall ever be your lot,
Forbid it, ev’ry heavenly power,
    You e’er should be a stot!

Tho’, when some kind, connubial dear,
    Your but-and-ben adorns,
The like has been that you may wear
    A noble head of horns.

And in your lug, most reverend James,
    To hear you roar and rowte,
Few men o’ sense will doubt your claims
    To rank among the nowte.

And when ye’re number’d wi’ the dead,
Below a grassy hillock,
Wi’ justice they may mark your head —
“Here lies a famous Bullock!”

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